I've been very tired recently, too tired to do very much writing or blogging. I've needed to take some time to rest and sort myself out (yes I know, sort myself out again). But I'm almost there now and I should be back properly soon.

Apologies for the long silence, things have been hectic! For one thing, I'm now editing and writing at the relaunched Pagan Friends Webzine. There have also been some (more) personal issues I needed to deal with.

I'll pop up some more images and posts soon, promise (provided I don't forget!)

I'm feeling a bit out of place today, as if I'm being misinterpreted by the people around me and they've come to some odd conclusions which just don't fit with who I am. Last night, I dreamed that I'd found out some huge and wonderful truth and that I tried to share it, but all that happened was that people patted me on the head and muttered various uninterested mutterings.

Nobody understands me, the little girl tells the storm. The storm weeps it's reply... Perhaps what I have to share doesn't deserve the attention it isn't getting, if you see what I mean.

Excuse me whilst I slink off into a corner with my knowledge. You can't has it, I refuse to share! heehee

After a little bit of thought, I've decided to keep this blog going as a light-hearted place and set up another for my more in-depth ramblings. Yes, I know I barely manage to update this one but I have a fair amount of deep and meaningful thoughts which I worry would be too heavy going. This way, anyone interested in the odd and complicated contents of my head (including that weird squishy bit which bleeds when you prod it) can nose around to their hearts content and this space can be kept for the more 'everyday'.

So feel free to pop into my other blog, The Liminal Tourist. There may not be any tea and cakes but who knows, there might be something useful or interesting hidden away in my head...

Penarth Beach, South Wales 2011

The kiss of the sea on the sand of the shore

Or the breath of the wind through my hair

Are the touch of the fingers of maiden or whore

And the memories she shared with me there.

The lap of the tides as they stoke at my toes

And the curl of the crest of the wave

Are the whispers of secrets which nobody knows

And the memories my sweet mistress gave.

The beach is a liminal space, a joining-place between the sea, the land and the sky. It is changeable and shifting, constantly in flux. The beach is a threshold, belonging to all places and yet not truly part of any of them. Like the ancient hedge to which the term 'hedgewitch' refers, the crossroads or mountaintops, it is a place of uncertainty and indecision. For some people, that uncertainty is too much. Like the coming of a storm, it sends them running for cover. Others let it wash over them, lapping like the waves on the shore.

Waking Up Inside

Apologies for the long silence, the start of the year has been a busy time. I seem to be going through phases of positivity and negativity and neither phase has felt like the right time to be blogging.

On Wednesday, I went on a trip to Glastonbury to have a wander around the shops with some friends. For some reason, despite the amount of overpriced fluff on sale, it seems to have re-awoken my need to connect with older things, the more... instinctive side of what I used to do. So thats what I'm planning to do. This is going to mean some excursions into forests, along coastlines and so on to collect up 'tools' I've long since lost, broken or forgotten. It also means I'll be hoping we get a decent storm sometime in the near future.

This may affect what I end up putting in this blog, but I hope you'll bear with me (no pun intended). If I get too serious, someone poke me with something...

It feels a little bit like I've just finished waking up again. Good morning world, the Hedgebear is up and ready.

Since yesterday afternoon, I've been feeling really full of positive energy and I'm taking advantage of it; I've made a good start on my writing and a few other projects.

I've also finally made a more solid connection with my new tarot card pack after doing a reading for a friend a few days ago. It took long enough!

I'm sorry for the long silence, I've not been myself recently (either that or I've been too much myself).

The Yule ritual we had planned went well despite most people being unable to get to us because of the snow; for a change, nobody managed to set themselves on fire. Unfortunately, again because of the snow, most people had to leave early and I saw in the sunrise by myself.

I've been having problems with people asking me for help recently. Not a problem in itself except that there are so many of them and if I need support in return they see that as unreasonable. I'm planning to put together a little charm later on today to help me say no once in a while and get support when I need it. Fingers crossed it goes well.

After a bit of hesitation, I've started writing seriously again as well. Since I did, I've had considerably more positive responses than negative and I've even felt comfortable starting to write a novel (one I've had ready to start for quite some time now). You're very welcome to visit my other blog, Bewildering Circumstances to see what I've been doing.

Well I've managed to get the majority of my house decorated although I'm still not feeling especially festive. I'm hoping it'll kick in later on once I've done some successful baking and finished things off. Even so, I thought I'd share a few festive house photos with you.

I have to admit I'm struggling to feel festive; everything seems so difficult recently and everyone seems so moody and grumpy. As a result, I'm feeling pretty down myself. I'm sure I'll be okay by tomorrow after I've had a good sleep and I'll post a more complete entry then.

Oh dear, what a lot of snow and ice... I'm not good on ice (think an inelegant Bambi tangled up in a scarf) so I've been trying to avoid going out. I'm thinking of putting together some kind of non-slip ritual later on if I have time (the ritual equivalent of gritting maybe?). I received my first Yule card yesterday and now I've gone from feeling very smug and organised to being in a bit of a crazy panic. I'll be getting some of the ones I've made into envelopes today and tomorrow in theory and then working out how many more I need to do. Someone remind me next year that making cards is a bad plan. I should send something I'm good at making instead. Like biscuits. Not sure how well my festive biscuits would survive in the post though.

There seems to be a rather large tree in my hallway. No, it isn't a Yule one (I'm not that organised!), its a fallen down silver birch. It seemed like a great find at the time but I'm slowly coming to realise I didn't think this through. I mean, I can't even remember where my saw is... And its about ten foot long... In the hallway... Never mind, when I have chance I bet I can get a decent staff and a few bits and bobs out of it. Maybe a rune set if I'm lucky.

Today, I'm trying desperately to make Yule cards for my friends and family. Again, this seemed like a good idea at the time but now, with piles of coloured paper across the floor and glitter under my eyelids, I'm starting to regret it.

I seem to have swapped cats with the neighbours. Someone else's cat has been letting itself into our house and making itself at home whilst one of ours has taken up residence next door. Of course the one we've lent out is a lovely, fluffy ball of cuddles whilst the new one is manky and fat with a squint. I've just managed to put some flea treatment on it (I'm not taking any risks if its coming indoors) by throwing food at it and diving on it's back. Judging by the matts on it's tummy, I may also have to shave it. Fun stuff...

I've ended up with a pet rabbit living in my kitchen. No he isn't a familiar or anything, just a pet although he's been a bit over-friendly with my trainers :S. He needed a home and I needed a cuddle so it all seemed fairly straightforward.

I've managed to acquire a stash of bottles and jars just in time to make my winter preserves and syrups through the unique 'magic' which is Cardiff freecycle (my wish seems to be it's command recently!). I've got a great crop of rosehips waiting to be collected and I've re-stocked my dried herb supplies with the help of some great friends although thanks to the cat being too clever for it's own good I'm out of catmint again; I suppose I'll have to come up with a new calming tea blend for when I can't sleep...

I'll be popping out to see a friend who hasn't been well this afternoon so I'm planning to make some leek and potato soup for her (leeks for protection, potatoes for health and cream for nurturing). Fingers crossed it works!

Have had a stressful day so I've settled down with a warm blanket nd a cup of jasmine flower and catmint tea (smells delicious...) for the night. Later on I may even have a bubble bath with something soothing and relaxing but elegant added, I haven't decided yet.

I picked up a great new candle holder for my altar, all shiny and pewter, in a charity shop. Just what I was looking for :) I'll probably 'try it out' at the weekend when I'm a bit less twitchy... flames + twitchy = fire brigade...

Cake and Kitchen Knives

The house is finally starting to feel 'right'. Even though there's laundry drying everywhere, it looks much tidier and there's a general smell of decent incence and freshly-baked biscuits instead of dirty men's socks. I even found my lucet so I've been making cord again (its a great thing to be holding in an argument, those two points are suprisingly...pointy).

I even found time to get my kitchen 'altar' in order yesterday. Okay, so mainly its hidden under a collection of flowers, vegetables, jars of spice, cake and kitchen knives but its finally starting to feel the way I want it to. I know its still missing something but I'm not sure what; whatever it is, I'm sure it'll come my way sometime soon.

I made some corn 'dollies' over the weekend. Well, I call them that but to be honest they're more plaits of dried grass with herbs woven into them than any of the traditional dolly types. I was going to make one properly but I couldn't remember how :S. Never mind, if nothing else they smell amazing.

Now I just need to tackle the garden... (Oh dear)

Well so far today I've woken up to find that one of my toads has died and one of my partner's cats has pretty much moved in with our neighbours. Then a clothes dryer attacked me in a vicious suicide mission flinging pants and socks around us in a mad flurry of underwear. I've made myself another coffee and decided to start over...

I'm thinking of making up a herb wash to give the house a good clean (physically and spiritually) today, something to encourage prosperity, harmony and 'positive energy' (I don't like using the phrase positive energy, it always makes me think of aging women in tie dye t-shirts clutching huge piles of shop-bought crystals to their bra-less chests and humming tunelessly; fine if that's your thing but not what I mean). If it manages not to rain for a little bit longer, I may even tidy up the garden a bit and take a wander out to the shops.

Maybe I'll spot the cat while I'm out, fluffy traitor that he is...

My mind has been a bit all over the place this morning; there are so many things I should be doing I don't know where to start. I've decided to sit down for a few minutes with a cup of coffee (with a few sprinkles of ginger to try give me a kick up the backside) and work out what needs doing the most. If I get chance later on, I might make a rosemary wreath for the inner front door and see if that helps.

My new little herb garden is starting to sprout nicely and my selection of rescued plants are doing well. The weeping fig has only lost one more leaf and the new ones are growing nice and quickly so I think its happy where it is. I 'made' one of my friends talk to it a few days ago and she started chatting it up; maybe its making a special effort to look pretty for her!

I'm so disappointed! Yesterday, I was supposed to attend a friend's Samhain ritual on the beach but went to the wrong place and by the time we realised it was too late to join them. The house has deteriorated into a mess again and everything is back up in the air, although I've not yet managed to kill off any of my herbs this time so it probably isn't the end of the world.

This week I made two wood and straw poppets, one of someone who has been maliciously causing me endless problems and another to help cure a friend of a long-term case of laryngitis. I know that my friend's laryngitis began to get better the next day and is now all better and I'm just waiting to see if the other was as successful. I have to admit I don't usually use poppets in a negative way but when you've run out of options and patience...

I made the mistake of taking a trip to the garden centre and ending up in the reduced plants section... Now, amongst other things, I've rescued a sorry-looking weeping fig. I'm planning to nurse it back to health and see if it encourages prosperity back into the house. Of course it has dropped lots of its leaves from the shock of the move (fairly common with these and it should be fine) so my partner is going to come home to find I've bought a twig. Never mind, everyone thinks I'm mad already!

I'm feeling especially down today even though I've made a good start on the house and sorted most of my financial issues. I suppose its because I'm feeling a bit taken for granted; not by everyone of course but a few bad apples always seem to sour the barrel. Maybe when I start feeling a bit better about myself in general that will stop happening. Fingers crossed!

Today, I've been braiding leather and using the technique a friend of mine recently taught me to weave wool into baskets. I'm aiming to make something to store all the little nic naks I get attracted to when I'm out and about until I work out what I want to do with them. Its going to have to be pretty big...

I think later on I'll plait all my frustration with everyone into a woollen knot and burn it and see if that helps.